this post is specially for this girl , kelly
kelly , thanks for telling me to move on , thanks for your thoughtfulness ...
i just wanna say ... i dont blame you for telling me this... please dont keep on thinking that others are all blaming on you ...and all the fault is on you.... its not what i meant ... If you dont have any feelings for me , its ok.... i can accept it...to be frank....you are not the first one to hurt me like this...
afterall this is gonna be a laughing stock to others only....
its ok i really dont blame you ...and i do forgive you... soon you will find a better guy in inti...
even if you say u dont wanna be in a relationship in college .... i can assure you , you will find yourself getting into a crush on someone, and maybe you will feel what i m feeling now...
kelly, you are in a uni now... dont care what others think of you , be it that you are the only girl in class or difficult subjects or others picking on you.... just be strong , and believe in yourself....
once again i m not trying to blame you ,kelly...
maybe you havent been rejected before.... so...maybe you wont know how it feels inside...
but i m ok with it ....i m gonna be fine...
thats all i wanna say....
Wrote down my thoughts @ 11:50 AM.
hey bloggy , i have no fucking idea why i m being all so emotional, you know i never felt so emo for a long time right...?
i have no idea what is my fucking problem....i cant seem to know why i m going all emotional with her ..... ending up making her pissed ... i just cant get what she meant by 'clingy guys'
i dont wanna mention what happened just now...because its not her fault at all...
i should probably stop giving her the emo attitude to her , i dont wanna lose her ....
i should probably be the hyper and happy guy she once knew
i am really sorry if i upset you again fish..
chris and andy and zhen yang and many more , i once again say i miss you guys so much , i miss the smell of singapore, the smell of what i used to call home ... i miss the sunshine there too ...i miss everything single thing about singapore , be it the good or the bad....even the worst ....
that is all for the day , night folks....
P.s i wish could hug her and say i m sorry ...
Wrote down my thoughts @ 9:02 AM.
Hey bloggy, its feels like there is not much of anyone who will listen to my troubles, is there ?
even if i talk to them about this all i get are replies like ' ohhh ic', ' no la, you are not', ' dont think too much la', 'chill out man' or 'dont emo la'..... kinda felt pretty down recently, tests , projects , assignments ... and thinking about her ....kinda makes me sad...uncertain... though i know i m a guy and i should be putting up a strong image ....but i m only human ... i see the way she talks to jasper ...and i compare him with me ....there was not much difference , we still get the cold treatment ....though i m treated sightly better ... well that what i feel...maybe its just me...
She is always engross with her friend's iphone and i m always ending up watching her play ... after classes , she didnt even utter a single word of concern bout me , probably because she was engrossed with her game again...
when she speaks to me in a warm method ... could she be talking to me like how she normally talks to the other guys ? m i still being to paranoia , perhaps i am...
she says she needs time and she said lets be friends first ....well i m cool with it actually ... but it doesnt seems like i m making any progress... anything in life now makes me feel like a fucked up loser ... i m seriously getting pissed on by life... life is still being a bitch to me ...
i seriously miss my best buddy chris and andy and the others ... at least chris and chris will listen to my troubles and give me advises , instead of making fun of my troubles .... why is all this shitty things keeps on happening to me? i may be smiling and joking at the outside but the soul inside of me is always in the dark .
i never thought i would end up like this , i always thought that guys getting all emotional because of girls were pathetic ....a disgrace to the male society , but look at me now ... i feel so disgusted with myself ...
i miss the feeling of being where i belong... malaysia is such a alien place to me ... leaving singapore for 2 years makes singapore feel like a superior country after living here for 2 years ....and now it feels alien to me now ... i have always envy my friends they were born here and stay here and studied here .... they have the sense of home ...but i m a soul feeling lost ....where is everyone that i need in my life .... a hug from someone ....anyone ....telling me : 'everything is gonna be fine, have faith in yourself'....
thats all for today bloggy....writing on you makes me feel better...
have a sweet nightmare
ohhhh and i love what she drew for me^^^^^
really like it ._.
i love this song, makes me rock out my sorrow
Wrote down my thoughts @ 9:42 AM.
hey people ! cant believe i m actually blogging again , if i m blogging again you know what that means right? probably because i m screwing things up .
well what can i say? Life hasn't quite turn out the way i want. Can someone tell me why am i always screwing things up?
So here the thing... i meet this girl in english class , and she is a first sem student , and she is a 1993 baby ....FINALLY someone is the same age as me in this god forsaken hell hole... and she is special to me...she is outgoing, kind, active .... she seem special to me. No matter how much i told her she was special, she just keep on asking questions like' what is so special about me' or ' why do you like me?'... and no matter how much i try to answer her questions, she is never ever satisfied with them, its kinda frustrating for me...its like asking ' why is the sky blue?'
once i screw things up by saying some stupid stuff , she got pissed , but i manage to gain her forgiveness ..... and everything seems fine for a bit ... Then she friends started to tease her and me , making her seriously stressed and pissed ... well i m cool with that , but she is not, then she told her ex bout this , and this is what her ex told me
'Allen you have a minute? (:Uhm I know I shouldn't get into this but, Kelly don't want to be in a relationship now. She broke up with me not because we don't love each other, it's because she have some problems that cannot be solve at the moment. If that single problem didn't appear. I won't break up with her and, she is still with me now. I hope you understand this. Please don't stress her up bro. Thanks alot'
That was what he said to me , you know how pissed off i was ? but i controlled my wrath and i gave him some face. Those statements were a ' fuck-off asshole, she does not like you , she hates you '. He told me not to bother her...so what now? He is trying to blame me , that her friends teasing her is MINE fault? come on dude , think before you talk. i maybe young but i have gone through more than your pathetic life , when you were still in secondary school , i m in the uni already , and you are trying to telling me i m harassing a girl ? From MY CLASS? ...and what this deal with all the negative post indirectly referring to me? did i OFFENDED you? come on dude , u wanna start a quarrel , talk to me face to face , dont be a coward ... it was all because of you that you ruin my friendship with me and her. She used to talk to me like we were close friends....now look what you done, she is only giving me one sentence or even one word replies, happy now?
i will not fight over a girl , if you really love her, you should know the REAL reason why she broke up with you , and change for the better and go after her again . i will not gain another enemy because of a girl , that is because i am not obsessed with her , but you are ...
even though knowing her for only a few weeks , it kinda hurts seeing her treating me like this ...
and i understand her feelings , so i will not 'BOTHER' her as it was what her ex requested ...
thought it might work out good ...never thought it would ended up like this ...
its been more than one year since i left my birthplace, singapore, for this god forsaken crap hole.... i still misses my friends ... the fun loving group ...
anyways I GOT MY NEW GUITARRRR!!!!! i love it so much :)
see ya peeps , til next time...
P.S cheer up FISHY KELLY!
Wrote down my thoughts @ 8:37 PM.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
hey ppl....here to write again....recently broke up with shermaine....really a blow to me.....it was no ones fault....but if u say it has to be someones fault , then i would say its me....
ii do admit i wasnt really a good boyfriend to her, didnt spend enough time talking to her....thats what she wants, maybe?...
but i have been single for such a long time....been a lone wolf a long time....i just cant get use to it
...she didnt wanna break up, but in the end we decide we should go our separate ways....i couldnt bear the pain so does she....
even if we broke up , i will be the boy u once knew before we got together....
she is the first girl that i ever kissed....she is kind to me, and i took it for granted....perhaps...
i still wanna be good friends with her...i really do.....
but......
i heard rumors that she is back with her ex,i asked her , she don seem like she wanna say anything, and said i was afraid she have a new boyfriend....awww come on i just wanna know that u r at least with someone better than me.....
the moment she said that she is going out to drink with her friends, i had a version of my aunt...really bad impression...and wat is with that tone u gave me? when i called to check whether u r safe or not?....awww come on....u r not the girl i used to know....
there are some other side reasons, y i think a break up was a good idea....
1) too many guys is after her
2) this jay guy? wats the idea of being so close to her when he already have a gf?....i dont know, it makes me feel he is her bf than i m.....
3)i m not a psychic, i cant read ur mind girl, how am i supposed to know when u r bored or lonely? thought u had all those guys chasing after u? jay? keith?dino?
4)expecting my calls?....girl, i exploded my bills for u, last month and almost got myself killed.....
5) u said u r a playgirl that need a good boy?....ouch, in the face...that explains all the boys coming to u....
i dont mean to be a totally douche bag...but i have been containing wrath inside of me ....the moment u used that tone on me girl,that cold ungrateful tone, u had it coming girl....
its her birthday this sat, i wanna do something for her....like wat she did for me.....but since i assume she is with someone already, i guess i will leave them be, i don wish to be the third party like those guys were when we were together...
but still....i do still love her...the shermaine i used to know.....
so this song is for her
thank you so much for the good times......
Wrote down my thoughts @ 8:36 AM.
Friday, December 10, 2010
hey ppl, good to be back blogging....sooo....the holidays have started as u know, houseworks as usual....cooking cleaning , farming.....running errands here and there?...went out with my mom for breakfast then get the bus tickets for my dad....hmmmmm i m kinda excited going back to Singapore on the 21th Dec....woooohoooooo.... Singapore i miss u soooo much!!! i miss my friends there the food there, the air there, the music of life there ....:)...and the smell of safety....
but the bad thing is that i wont be able to text or communicate with shermaine....:(...lol....maybe we need to take a break....kinda struggling to keep our relationship afloat , i know that maintaining this relationship wont be fruitful....after all, i have to left her for Aussie....what my sis said was right....but she is the girl that has been so nice to me, and i dont wanna lose her......i do doubt my mature thinking sometimes....i just dont know what is right and what is wrong now.....but i do miss her a lot.....
anyway , i really love my new blog skin.its cool, emo and anime-ish....XD....hahaha
thats for all folks, enjoy the music.....:)
Wrote down my thoughts @ 5:44 AM.
so hey ppl, i m back , soeey didnt really update this blog lately, was have the finals , so i wasnt free,
but hey who cares, i m back rite? hahaha
a lot happened lately , don really wanna list the bad things that had happened to me...
hahaha, but i wanna say thanks to my dearest shermaine:), i mean again,....for the birthday cake she give me on my 17 birthday...:) it really sweet of her :)....since it the holidays now , i knida miss school,my friends, hahhahaha maybe the school ? hahah the one i miss the most is my shermaine....:) miss hanging out with her , studying with her ,chatting with her ....but is alrite one month isnt that bad rite?....i have got through 6 months of housework and farming life ,wat is 1 month to me ?:) hahaha...
kinda worried for my finals result ....but cant do much now rite?....so just gonna hope for the best i guess :)
thats alll for tonight folks ....ciao :)
Wrote down my thoughts @ 7:59 AM.
