Hey bloggy, its feels like there is not much of anyone who will listen to my troubles, is there ?
even if i talk to them about this all i get are replies like ' ohhh ic', ' no la, you are not', ' dont think too much la', 'chill out man' or 'dont emo la'..... kinda felt pretty down recently, tests , projects , assignments ... and thinking about her ....kinda makes me sad...uncertain... though i know i m a guy and i should be putting up a strong image ....but i m only human ... i see the way she talks to jasper ...and i compare him with me ....there was not much difference , we still get the cold treatment ....though i m treated sightly better ... well that what i feel...maybe its just me...
She is always engross with her friend's iphone and i m always ending up watching her play ... after classes , she didnt even utter a single word of concern bout me , probably because she was engrossed with her game again...
when she speaks to me in a warm method ... could she be talking to me like how she normally talks to the other guys ? m i still being to paranoia , perhaps i am...
she says she needs time and she said lets be friends first ....well i m cool with it actually ... but it doesnt seems like i m making any progress... anything in life now makes me feel like a fucked up loser ... i m seriously getting pissed on by life... life is still being a bitch to me ...
i seriously miss my best buddy chris and andy and the others ... at least chris and chris will listen to my troubles and give me advises , instead of making fun of my troubles .... why is all this shitty things keeps on happening to me? i may be smiling and joking at the outside but the soul inside of me is always in the dark .
i never thought i would end up like this , i always thought that guys getting all emotional because of girls were pathetic ....a disgrace to the male society , but look at me now ... i feel so disgusted with myself ...
i miss the feeling of being where i belong... malaysia is such a alien place to me ... leaving singapore for 2 years makes singapore feel like a superior country after living here for 2 years ....and now it feels alien to me now ... i have always envy my friends they were born here and stay here and studied here .... they have the sense of home ...but i m a soul feeling lost ....where is everyone that i need in my life .... a hug from someone ....anyone ....telling me : 'everything is gonna be fine, have faith in yourself'....
thats all for today bloggy....writing on you makes me feel better...
have a sweet nightmare
ohhhh and i love what she drew for me^^^^^
really like it ._.
i love this song, makes me rock out my sorrow
Wrote down my thoughts @ 9:42 AM.
